Ilidia Sa Melo
As a new retiree, I was excited about spending quality time with my family, disregarding my alarm clock, traveling, learning new things, socializing, focusing on my well-being, and maybe even hitting the gym. My husband and I are fond of camping, and we usually take our travel trailer with us to enjoy the company of our friends and dogs. We were both eagerly looking forward to embarking on this new chapter of our lives.
Just before my retirement, we were ecstatic to hear that our daughter was engaged! As a parent, there’s nothing more gratifying than seeing your child find true love. An engagement marks the start of a new chapter in their life, and we could not have been more thrilled to share in this momentous occasion. I was excited to be a part of this new journey and support them however I could, but little did I know that I would be much more involved in this wedding than I had ever dreamed.
I share an incredibly close bond with my daughter. While like any mother and daughter, our relationship isn’t without its imperfections, we place a high value on honesty and trust. Despite our occasional disagreements, we consider each other, best friends. I am immensely proud of the person she is.
Our daughter’s life changed for the better five years ago when she met a very special person through friends. Since then, they have been inseparable, sharing countless memories. In 2022, he proposed to her at a stunning vista they had visited many times before, and we received a beautiful picture of the two of them, with the engagement ring sparkling on her finger. It was a moment we will never forget. However, we weren’t completely surprised, as he had already come to us weeks earlier to ask for our blessing. We couldn’t be happier for the two of them and were thrilled to welcome him into our family.
Selecting the perfect venue and date for a wedding can be quite a challenge, but with careful consideration, the bride and groom managed to find the ideal location for their special day. After weighing all the options and discussing what would be the most appropriate choice, they finally settled on a beautiful venue and set a date that would allow us ample time to make the necessary arrangements. Our journey to plan the wedding began in September 2022, with the wedding set for exactly a year later, on September 9, 2023. We were so excited to start this journey and can’t wait to make our daughter’s dream wedding a reality.
As someone who had already retired as Deputy Clerk from municipal government, I was able to fully immerse myself in my role as the mother of the bride. We hosted a beautiful bridal shower in our backyard and were thrilled to meet some of the groom’s family members for the first time. His parents lived very close to us in a neighboring city, and we shared the same dreams and aspirations for our children’s lives and marriages. As enthusiastic parents, we were always ready to lend a helping hand at any given moment.
One of the tasks they had to complete after getting engaged was choosing an officiant to perform the ceremony. As a former municipal employee, I was a registered officiant through the municipality where I worked, enabling me to officiate weddings. One of my post-retirement perks was to stay on as a registered officiant. While I did entertain the thought of officiating at my daughter’s wedding, I ultimately realized that my main desire was to simply be the mother of the bride on her special day and not have any other role. I knew that if I did officiate, I would be too emotional and end up crying the whole time. Therefore, I decided that my daughter’s wedding was her day to shine, and I wanted to simply bask in the joy of watching her get married without any added responsibilities.
One evening, my daughter came over for a visit and we got talking. As we chatted, I mentioned that I was still able to perform ceremonies under the Ontario Marriage Act. She listened carefully and then asked me a question that warmed my heart. She asked if I would officiate her upcoming wedding. At that moment, I hesitated to say yes, knowing the added responsibility it would bring. However, I promised to give her an answer after my vacation, as I wanted to take the time to consider it. As a parent, I’ve always wanted to be there for my daughter, and I felt grateful for the opportunity, though emotionally, it would be a challenge. I wanted nothing more than to make her big day as special as she deserved.
The next week, my daughter had a meeting scheduled with an officiant to discuss her upcoming wedding ceremony. Unfortunately, there was uncertainty about the availability of the officiant on the wedding day, and another person could be filing in as the officiant, someone my daughter was not familiar with. Due to this uncertainty, my daughter decided to cancel the appointment.
While on vacation, I asked my husband for his thoughts on me officiating our daughter’s wedding. His response completely changed my mind. He looked me in the eye and said, “Why wouldn’t you marry your daughter? What a legacy you would be leaving for her.” That statement gave me chills and I was suddenly excited about being a part of the wedding in a way I previously didn’t think I wanted to be.
My husband was right – I had never thought of it this way before. My husband’s words changed my perspective entirely. As an officiant, I could play a significant role in creating a memorable and meaningful ceremony. I decided to take on the responsibility and I would officiate my daughter’s wedding, creating a lifelong memory for her and everyone involved.
I started outlining the ceremony and completed the whole script, including their vows.
Planning a wedding is an exciting time, but it can also be stressful when things don’t go as planned. This was the case when my daughter saw the vows that I had written for her wedding ceremony. She was hesitant about certain statements that were required by legislation. I could sense her disappointment, so I listened to her concerns and explained why they were necessary.
However, her hesitation continued, and I realized that I needed to do something to make her happy. I explained that they should write their vows, and we would include those in the ceremony. The vows I had written within the draft script were just an example. After several weeks of contemplation, she finally got back to me and indicated that she was happy with everything outlined in the ceremony, and the groom liked the vows that I had included, so they were going to use them.
While I was ecstatic that everything turned out well, I also realized that I had been so focused on making my daughter happy that I hadn’t considered my feelings. Our family was going to change forever, and while this was a great thing, it was also a significant change. I also thought about my son, who was also going through the same significant change. We were never going to be just the four of us again, but I was excited about the new addition to our family. Planning a wedding is not just about the couple getting married, but it’s also about the family coming together to celebrate this new beginning. It’s important to listen to each other’s concerns and work together to make everyone happy. This is what makes a wedding truly memorable, and I’m glad that my daughter and her groom will have a ceremony that reflects their love and commitment to each other.
The important thing for me now was how to get through the day and the ceremony without crying. I decided to practice the ceremony every day, wearing my mother-of-the-bride shoes, so I could get a sense of how it would feel to stand in front of my daughter, the bride, and her groom as they exchanged vows. Each day, I read the vows, hoping that the emotions I associated with the words would lessen, allowing me to recite the ceremony from memory without being overwhelmed by the feelings. The first few times I performed the ceremony on my own at home alone, I broke down in tears. Finally, by July, 2 months after starting the rehearsals of the ceremony, I was able to do it without shedding any tears. I had memorized it to the point where I could just speak the words without any feeling.
On the day of the wedding, I felt surprisingly calm about performing the ceremony. My excitement was palpable, and others shared in it. It was a unique experience for everyone, as a parent officiating at their child’s wedding was unprecedented. Walking my daughter up the aisle alongside my husband was a moment I will cherish forever. As I stood in front of the bride and groom, I was filled with pride and joy and did not shed a tear as I confidently performed the ceremony. It was an honor to create a beautiful ceremony for my daughter, and I will always hold that memory dear.
I had the pleasure of presenting the newlyweds with a copy of their cherished wedding ceremony. As the sun set and the day came to a close, I couldn’t help but think about the everlasting impact of this moment. The pictures of me standing with the happy couple, as they made their vows, will forever be etched into our memories, and hopefully, those of generations to come.
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